HOW TO AVOID MURDERING A SPOUSE

Can a person ever get a divorce in marriage and still be saved? That academic question perplexes prospective students of the ministry. Not too long ago, a widow's excuse for killing her preacher husband in Tennessee was that the church didn't believe in divorce. That reminded me of the academic solution, jokingly if not serious, stated by undergraduate students for the necessity of killing one's spouse since one could get forgiveness of murder but not for divorce. Another solution is very prevalent: living together without getting married.ⁱ

This brings us to a fundamental question. Can a divorcee be saved? Can a divorced person be a member of the church? This is a very appropriate query in our day when “about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce.”ⁱⁱ These statistics aren't set in stone because they are derived from comparing marriages to divorces during a specific year. However, the fact is chances are that a Christian talking to his fellows or a stranger on the street must know that the question affects them.

I wrote a book on making a marriage as is ordained in Heaven. I wanted to help in determining one's actual hope for eternity in the face of loss in a marriage. In the end of it all, it takes both partners to successfully make a marriage work. It takes two to get married and two to faithfully execute the promise. I get sad correspondence from time to time to further explain my thoughts on divorce. The book is not intended as a resource on how to end a marriage but rather God's intended relationship of man and woman as directed “from Heaven” and consequently the happiness of being a “good” relationship. For God saw that it was good (Genesis 2:18).

WHAT CAN MAKE A MARRIAGE FROM HEAVEN? It is faith that should give us the confidence and the courage to keep going in a marriage. But what if the marriage ends? Again, our faith will help us to endure. That faith must be built on the sure foundation of the Word of God.

MARRIAGE IS NOT NATURALLY SUCCESSFUL. Gone are the days when a man could take off, fight the Indians, look for gold or fortune, or work the beaver trade and return home when he desired while his wife stayed home, worked the farm, and made a home for ten kids. The government usually kept the woman subservient to the male so that she was legally dependent upon her husband whether he were true or not.

A MARRIAGE TAKES WORK. Most would agree that marriage takes work. Not just to bring the bacon home or to prepare it, but the relationship in marriage must be constantly worked.

GOD HATES DIVORCE. This Scripture is generally misapplied as meaning that divorce itself is a sin. Plus, the teaching usually is that divorce is the unforgiveable sin although Jesus said otherwise (Matthew 12:31).

DIVORCE ITSELF CANNOT BE A SIN.

1. It could not be a sin because both Moses and Jesus said that in certain cases it was allowed. Sin is not allowed. Moses permitted divorce for a man in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 if his wife was guilty of uncleanness and Moses gave the Law for three neglects in Exodus 21:9-11.ⁱⁱⁱ Jesus only commented on the controversy within the Pharisee Parties^iv (over Deuteronomy 24) in the sermon on the mount and gave His divine interpretation of their controversial interpretation of Deuteronomy 24 by His using “fornication” as the cause. He didn't mention Exodus 21 but it would have still been the Law. The Law of Christ did not come into effect until after the Holy Spirit came on the day of Pentecost after Jesus ascended (Acts 2). 1 Corinthians 7 gives the rule for marriage fidelity under the NT.

        2. God does not sin but He divorced (“put away”) Israel (Jeremiah 3:8). To make divorce a sin would make God a sinner.

GOD DIVORCED ISRAEL. “And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also” (Jeremiah 3:8). God does not sin so divorce in and of itself does not make one a sinner. Therefore, the church should be careful about labeling the enigma that goes with a divorce.

BUT THE BIBLE SAYS GOD HATES DIVORCE. “For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously” (Malachi 2:16). The LXX has the man detesting^v his wife.

WHAT IS IT THAT GOD HATES? God hates the accompanying causes and consequences involved in man's divorces: the violence and the spirit of treachery. Obviously, the hate and resulting violence, intent or otherwise is what God hates. The context of Malachi 2 points out how God empathizes with the tears of the wife of your youth. “And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out … Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant” (Malachi 2:13, 14).

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GOD HATES DIVORCE BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU. God forgives the forgiver. “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Someone or both have not forgiven to produce divorce.

GOD HATES SPLITTING WHAT HE HAS JOINED TOGETHER. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:9).

MARRIAGE SOLUTIONS^vii

1. Fix Your Eyes On Jesus. You expect your spouse to make you happy. But only Jesus can do that. Only Jesus has the water that quenches one's thirst (John 4:13-14). “But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:14). So, keep your eyes on Jesus! He's the fountain of happiness. This is true in every endeavor; surely, marriage is no exception.

2. Don't Point The Finger. “For every man shall bear his own burden” (Galatians 6:5). We cannot control another person's behavior but we can accept responsibility for our own behavior and reaction. There are burdens of personal toil, personal sorrows, and personal responsibility of character. When two people interact, each player has a role. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). If you accept your own responsibility for your happiness then the happier you will be.”

3. Look At Spouse And See God's Grace and Mercy. We have access to the greatest Friend and Benefactor. “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

4. Refuel The Flame. Don't despair that all is lost. If your car runs out of gas, you would park it and retrieve a container of gasoline. You wouldn't just abandon the car. “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9). Two-thirds of divorcees say that they should have tried harder.

5. Greatest Power Source to Work It Out. “And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power, Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 1:19-20). The mighty strength that raised Jesus from the dead is available to work for the believers.

CONCLUSION:

Can a person ever get a divorce in marriage and still be saved? Divorce is not an unforgiveable sin. It can and will be forgiven (1 John 1:7f). The church is responsible for teaching the gospel of Christ and cannot pervert His message. The gospel is for all. The Christian is to empathize with the grieving just as God does. The ideal is to keep one's marriage vows and to practice the joining together as designed from God in Heaven. Jesus died for the woman at the well as well as for me. Even a woman who had been married several times and had been currently living with a live-in (John 4)] There is hope for success in marriage but it requires work and hope with the help of God.

Gaylon West ... THROW OUT THE LIFELINE (website)
editors: Janie R. Ward; Mary L. West